Motherhood… It’s a word that is hard to describe because it if you think you have it, the tides change and what you thought was your routine, your description, your concept, it slips out of your grasp and turns you upside down. In fact, I think that’s the whole crux of parenting! You never can quit get the hang of it because once you do, another curve ball is thrown your way. That’s part of the fun and the excitement.
I’ve heard motherhood described like this “I held you. I fed you. I realized I would spend my life doing things to make you happy and that would make me happy. And then there are times I want to give up. You’ve made me re-think my sanity. You’ve made me want to falla t my mother’s feet and tell her that I get it. But then you made me smile and you say my name and you grab my hand with those little fingers” -Anonymous
That’s probably the closest description or depiction of motherhood that I’ve ever felt came close to how I’ve felt personally!
Have I ever told you that I wanted 5 children! Yes… you read that right! Aaron and I talked about having 5 kids and pretty close in age! We had the house in Virginia Beach for 5 kids… and then we had Linc. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great baby but my pregnancy, woah. There’s another time for that story, trust me, and I will write it I’m sure.
And of course we all know my battle with post partum depression (if you haven’t read it, you can refresh here).
You see, Linc did and does everything at an incredibly fast pace. He’s a boy to beat all boys and very quickly I learned that the momma I thought I was going to be, isn’t the momma I HAVE to be and that I am.
I have to be the mom that my son needs and some days that can be super tough on BOTH of us.
So the other night when I was back in my hometown I got together with one of my favorite girl friends and we had one of the best nights that I have had in the longest time.
It was not only MY best night but it was also Linc’s.
We had what I like to call a YES night!
You see, Linc is the type of kiddo that is incredibly strong willed. He loves life and I mean LOVES it. He is truly excited about life and he is wildly passionate and curious and bold! I am in awe of his spirit and his adventurous nature and his perseverance but sometimes that means that he needs a brick wall to stop him. He needs something to slow him down and caution him. He needs someone to put the brakes on every once in a while.
So,enter me: his very own personal brick wall.
There are days where I cherish this job. It’s a chance for me to teach him things and I can actually see his mind working and churning and figuring out new ways to look at his world. I can see his own magic working! It’s amazing and I’m so fortunate to be home every day seeing this and watching him.
Most days though, and I’m just being honest here, this is a job that I loathe. I am the brick wall to his zest for adventure and zeal! I have to be the “mean parent”, the one that deals out the no’s and the re-directions. I’m the one that sets the limits.
I get tired ya’ll. I get so tired of this that most days by the end of the day, my brain hurts. Linc is a challenger and button pusher and he will push the lines as far as he can just to see how far he can. He has an iron will ya’ll and for someone like me who loves to people please, it’s so hard to understand this different personality type.
But ya’ll… a yes night is the best thing we have ever done!
We met our friends Ashley, Waverly and Avalon down at the beach in Back Bay right in the early evening. I packed an extra set of clothes for both of us because I knew we were going to get a little wet and most likely a lot sandy. I love the beach because it’s home for me. There is absolutely nothing like the salt air to bring you peace of mind and also to soothe you into a beautiful sleep once all is said and down and play time has come to an end.
Linc and I arrived a little bit early so we had time for just the two of us. I love this spot because I can let Linc have free rein. I don’t have to worry about saying “no” to him down there. He can be as free and wild as he likes and that in turn allows me to be just the same right along side of him.
It’s just laughter and fun and most importantly yes!
We had an adventure together exploring and searching for beachy treasures while we waiting for our friends to arrive. We made sand angels and dipped our toes in the cold water. I had my camera and Linc had my hand!
When the girls did show up, it was just pure magic and joy! Waverly is so much like Linc in so many ways it makes me smile! They are such a good pair together.
The kids were perfect together: they swam in the water fully clothed. They threw mud and build sandcastles only to jump on them and destroy them. They picked up horeshoe crabs and dug for baby sand crabs. They ran the length of the beach until their legs could run no more. They chased the birds and then chased each other. They laughed until their tummy’s hurt and then they came after us with sandy lips beachy kisses!
It was heaven for me!
I decided on that beach that we need more yes nights in our lives! Not just for Linc, but for me as well. It was good for both of our souls. There are so many boundaries and limits that are set upon both of us on a daily basis. They are so many should’s and should’nt’s, so many rules that need to be followed and so many expectations that are placed on both parents and children that every and now in then I think we all need a few hours where we can just escape! I think it’s good for everyone, especially when you can do it together. It was so wonderful for Linc to see me be spontaneous and free without worry or stress and it was amazing for me to be able to play with him in that way!
So that is my new goal: once a month get away for a few hours to have some yes time! Some time where bed times don’t matter and there are no set rules (except safety of course). A place where we can just play together and it doesn’t matter what will happen tomorrow or later down the road. All that matters is just the present!
What about you? Do you have yes moments with your little ones?
and if you look close enough on this last image…. you’ll see what I’m most proud of in my little boy.. an incredibly sweet heart. I don’t care Linc how smart you are. I don’t care how great you are at sports (even though you are pretty damn great!) All I care is how sweet that heart is and how kind you are! And when you came back after sprinting down that path with big sister Waverly…. when you came back to grab little Avalon’s hand to make sure she made it down the path in your own words “to be safe and to not be alone” that made me one proud mama! Because at the end of the day, kindness is always what counts and little boy you have that and so much more!