Lately I’ve been reading a lot of amazing books and those books have me reflecting on WHY no matter what is going on our lives, or how many times I say to heck with this photography as a business thing it’s just not “working out” , I seem to always find my way back to my camera. It’s something that creeps into my heart and has a forever place. No matter how many times I wonder out loud… why am I still doing this… in my heart I know exactly why. It’s not for the masses. It’s not for the instagram likes or followers. It’s not to gain more notoriety or have others want to learn all my tricks. It’s not for all the bookings or clients or e mail subscribers.
I continue to come back to my camera for him. I continue to seek out all that I can learn because I know that one day he will need to see the magic he was born with! I choose to pick up my camera because I want him to know how crazy beautiful he is and how crazy messy life can be! I want him to see that there is magic in the moments that aren’t perfect! I want him to know that his every day life was incredible just because his own light shines bright and he is in the world.
I want him to know that he mattered in every season of life and that no matter the ups or downs, there is beauty in every emotion.
I want him to understand how we love and man do we love with a raw grace and imperfection!
I continue to find my way to my camera so that one day, when he is grown up with his own family, he can remember the wild, crazy, adventurous little boy that stole many hearts! I want him to be able to pick up one of our many family albums (with cracked leather and worn pages) and find his way back to the boy with the big imagination and big dreams!
I take heart in knowing that one day when he is old and gray, he will be able to remember just how his little hands fit into mine! He will remember how my hair was always in a tinkerbell bun and how my feet were always bare, with no shoes while we walked hand in hand!
He will look back on his childhood albums and hear my laughter in his memory! He will see his father’s strength in his gentle playfulness! He will see our weary smiles as we slept with him in the “big bed” and kept watch over him through the night. I continue to capture images so that he might remember the little things like the romantic picnics in the middle of the living room floor or the tender moments where we nursed a cut or scrape. I come back because I want him to feel every bear hug and ugga mugga!
I come back to my camera because every child deserves to see themselves in the love light that their parents hold them!
We get one chance as mothers and fathers and we pray every day that we are doing right by our children~! We pray that we are sending them off into their adult lives with good hearts and with love and light. I breathe in deeply and hold fast in my heart that when I pick up my camera, I am helping these mothers and fathers that bravely stand in front of my camera show their children that no matter what was going on in the world at that moment, they were loved so hard! That they had adventurous journeys, they had fairies and pirates and lost boys. That they had magic and whimsy and laughter!
At the end of the day the only thing that will ever matter is how we loved and were loved. That’s the legacy we leave behind and I want my son (and all the son’s and daughter’s) to be able to SEE and always FEEL that love.
I want them to pick up these images and remember the child they once were and more importantly remember their parents in those moments and be able to connect with them on a different level! A level of understanding and appreciation.
I want my grown up son to be able to pick up an image of the little boy he used to be: wild, silly, fiery, stubborn, imaginative and rambunctious and come back “home” to those traits with his own children.
I don’t take photos for just for me…I take them for us (all of us).
I take them so that we can all see the magic! The magic in childhood, in loving each other and in the every day!